Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

I hate that my real life friends know that I blog.

I used to be able to rant freely about gossip and drama and my opinions and my blog was a place where I could vent. An alternative vice to the more self destructive vices there are to hit.

Not blogging or writing it out in some way, shape, or form makes me want to hit those vices.

I want to be hammered. I want to get fucked up. I want something to pull me out of this reality and into a happier, free-er, looser alternative realm, or mindstate where nobody gives a fuck but everybody cares.

I want to talk about the sex, the drugs, the rock and roll without my friends coming down on me being like WTF. 'Sure we can do these things, and I can do these things to you, but you can't fucking talk freely about it.' And when I say these three things, I mean it. I have great stories I can't share. Great stories.This is my third blog... and I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. I don't want to change it therefore tomorrow, it's going to be password encrypted.

If anybody out there does still read my blog, send me an email and I'll send YOU a password.

If I don't know you in 'real life', you are much more likely to gain password access than if I do know you. If I do know you in 'real life', you can always ask. For instance, Alyson and Alexis I know both read my blog and I've always been able to trust them. However, my best friends I see on a day to day basis, don't have a chance in hell. Not that I want to talk shit about you or don't trust you, but this way I can talk about you and the people you know to people who won't know or give a shit about you and nobody gets hurt.

EDIT:
So that's not happening... apparently everyone logging in would have to have google id's and email me for details and it wouldn't show my email so I am starting a new blog.

Again.

Blog #4

What a friggen hassle.

It will start off simple templated until I find time to design it. I apologize for the boringness of it right now.

Email me at oishii17@hotmail.com for the new URL

I Want to Dance Naked Around You

The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotion, event, party and work.

I don't know exactly how to explain what happened up in Lillooet, only that it sent my mind spinning in excitement and confusion and I can't write publicly about it now - I'm having trouble writing about it in my journal as it is.

Orientation at school yesterday filled me with inspiration as it was meant to, and set me with a plan to put all my greatest dreams into action and sent me off with a pair of sexphones for my listening pleasure.Pure sex. I've never heard clearer recorded sounds in my life. They take me to another planet, realm, whathaveyou and are my newest escape from the chaos around me and even most of the noise in my head.

Today was kind of the opposite of yesterday, and sent me spiraling downwards with financial problems. I was told my loans would be in today, but now apparently I'm waiting until next week at the earliest for them to arrive into my account which puts me in a pinch for rent, but randomly right after talking to my financial adviser, who's ESL put the whole tuition in jeopardy by not being clear, my mom called and caught me in a sea of tears which have been waiting to escape for about two months, and put me on the phone with my dad who between the two of them made everything better... or at least make sense.

They're not sending money, but only because I think I can figure this all out without them.

I (Heart) Naked Girls

At White Spot, waiting for my dinner date, and then Mike (aka Chavez) and my fiancé to pick me up and we're heading to Lillooet. Apparently, Spanks is already messed up so either Mike or I will have to drive, but I'm leaning more towards Mike because I'm starting my weekend now with a double caesar that was made by accident and Lord knows I can't turn down a free drink.

The connection here is terrible, so no idea if my adventure pictures will upload from last night. I'm playing cupid with my dinner date and Chavez because she's into him and I know she would be good for him if they hooked up. I hate playin the waiting game... I was writing out similar random bullshit last night in my journal, just waiting for stuff for happen.

Bonus's of playing the waiting game at White Spot are the free caesar and the extra Hot Fudge Brownie that they just made. Sweeeeeeet.

Oh and internet so I'm not just sitting here watching the silent Jays vs Orioles game. Sorry Tony, but unless I'm playing ball, watching it is boring as shit. And on that note, I was a wicked pitcher for the East St Paul Aces growing up and played all the time.

So last night my new friend Ashley - who I kind of remember meeting a few weeks ago when I went downtown and lost my friend (who coincidently is my dinner date) to a smokin hot Australian - invited me out downtown to meet at the Speakeasy on Granville, but I was late from picking up a couple of friends and waiting for my friend CJ who never showed up. So once we finally got there I figured she had already left because she wasn't inside so we went to the car and we pounded back a 26 of vodka and went adventuring down the street and stopped in for pizza at Megabite (which I haven't had in what feels like AGES and so it was exceptionally amazing) and the next thing we know we're taking my friend to the Cecil because she's never been to a strip club before.

Oh the Cecil. When I was her age, a little innocent girl visiting Vancouver to go look at Music Production colleges because there aren't any in Winnipeg, my best friends in BC Cole and Ben surprised me by showing up at my hostel from the Okanagan Valley. The 2 days they were out there were filled with debauchery. The first morning we woke up at 10:30am, and by 11am we found ourselves at the Cecil. The boys talked up the strippers as though they had been a million times, yet it was their first time as well as mine. We got drunk by noon, as our cute little livers were not yet prepared for the kind of partying we were to encounter in future years. That day started something that none of us could have ever predicted but had a huge part into playing what are friendships are today.

ANYWAYS, my dinner date is here, so I'm out for now and probably for the weekend. The next time I write, I'll either be drunk as hell, or in school starting a new not so hardcore life. It's been one year now on this blog... I wonder if I'll be as hardcore next year.

'What happens in this moment will determine your choices for the next one'

In Waves Coffee at Main St and Broadway, slightly worried about my car outside, but more worried about my irrational fear of cops kicking in and making me act all sketchy seeing as there are 10 of them in here just chillin.

Finally putting my new laptop to work, installing all the programs that didn't come with it and FINALLY using Firefox, and feeling wonderful seeing as I'm a junkie. At work they're calling me Firefox, because of the pink in my hair, which is my second favourite newest thing next to my new MacBook and iTouch - which are tied.

I'm writing as though I'm in my super great giddy high-on-life Kira mode, but in reality, I feel I'm slipping from it.

School starts on Monday, and just about an hour ago I remember being nervous for the first day of school every year it came around. Who will be in your class? What do you wear? Do you have all the newest coolest school supplies to show the rest of your class up? Is anybody going to like me? Are the classes going to be hard? What do I bring for lunch? And so on...

I haven't had a day of school since my last day of Music Production in January 2004... and that was an exception because I was only taking that single course and upgrading my math that I never went to, that I'd skip to go get high and find adventure or go to the gym and workout.

I'm 23 years old, and I'm starting school after 5 years off and I cannot even begin to describe how terrified I am. Everyone seems to have so much faith in me, and until the last little while, I've had all the faith I thought I needed in myself. The last 5 years have been a blast, a journey, a struggle and have contained both the best and worst times of my life. Moments where I've cried because I couldn't believe how lucky and happy I was, moments where I couldn't cry because I've felt so dead inside I wanted to be dead outside.

All those moments, all the millions of them, have led up to this one - where I'm sitting in the coffee shop sipping on my chamomile latté at 1am when I know I'm tired beyond belief and should be asleep because I have to be at work in the morning - and the reality of the situation is starting to sink in:

(With the help of the greatest friends and family), I've worked hard to build myself up and get to where I am today as a person, but the level I've finally reached is the bottom step of a whole new project. Which is also terrifying - who will I be when I'm done? Will I better myself? Will I lose myself? I'm quite happy with who I am, but then again, I still get retardedly emotional and upset at minimum wage jobs, immature friends who refuse to grow up, and caught up in 'the bad scene' because it's fun. Will I have fun when this is all said and done? And that's seeing as if I succeed!

What if I fail?

It's Thursday, and I have one more shitty 3 hour shift today, and then the future is here. The world at my fingertips, all options on my doorstep, laid at my feet.

I think I'd better start praying.

'Second chances coming from behind
They'll fly by if you don't take a look back
At all the choices you've let slide
In the past, which is only there to take
As a guide to how you have to choose
What you have to gain
What you want to lose'

EDIT: Ok, without a joke, I'm in the car on the way home and stressing out the 'What if's' of everything that can go wrong, and then this song off of the new Armin Van Buuren CD comes on and it's called 'What If' and then once the climax of the song hits, and I'm asking whoever may be listening to the running train of thoughts in my brain rumble on for someone to tell me what I need to hear to make everything better, and I hear Cole Wilson's voice in my head say in the simplest dinky tone the way he does: "Just... don't worry about it."

Like he's told me a million times. Like I've told everyone a million times. Like we've all said billions of times like it's the simplest thing in the world to do whether the situation is small or complex. Just... don't worry about it.

It worked.

The Last of Last

This past weekend was pretty rad. The whole week in total I put over 2100kms on the car - oops.

Right now though I don't have time to write about it. BUT I will say this:

STEPHANIE MARION!!! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND NEED YOU TO CALL ME!!!

Adventure lies ahead no matter what.

13 days

I decided at the beginning of summer (May-Longish) that this summer would be a calm-down as it led up to school so by the time it approached I'd be ready to settle into a focussed routine.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

I should have known myself better, that I would turn it to a 'fit-everything-into-your-life-that-you-possibly-can-before-there-are-one-
hundred-million-kazillion-things-holding-you-back-from-living-your-day-
to-day-adventurers'-life-like-you-usually-do' and therefore augmenting my summer into a full blown riot.

I have 13 days until I start school, and what have I done:

- I partied harder than I ever have in my life on May Long Weekend in the Okanagan Valley
- I've joined the nightlife of downtown Vancouver
- I've been across Canada and back and I won't even try to include all my adventures on that trip.
- I've been on a random trip to America
- I've been on another random trip to America for Bumbershoot in Seattle where I saw Paramore, Death Cab for Cutie, and The Offspring
- I've swam in the ocean countless times, including skinny dipping at night.
- I've gone skinny dipping at night not in the ocean with a girl who my guy friends find impossible to get naked.
- I've modeled in a photoshoot in a river
- My best friend came all the way from Winnipeg to stay with me for two weeks
- I've been to an outdoor rave where there was an expected turnout of 80 and ended up being 300+
- I scored myself a penpal
- I only had 2 hospital trips
- Went mudbogging for the first time
- Mudwrestled in a white bikini
- I got a free car
- I made SO many new friends, and the great friends I already have became greater
- I helped Jordan record an audition for a major new cartoon which he got the lead for!
- I've had at least 10 days where I said it was the best day of my life, and was only surpassed by the next one.
- I got Spiderman kissed
- I moved twice and have finally found a place that feels like home
- I had a huge party with rappers, dj's and lights
- I wrote a lot of music, and one and a half journals
- I bought a Macbook, an iTouch, and a printer.
- I reunited with friends I haven't seen in years

... I feel I could go on forever, but nobody wants to read forever so I'll move on.

In the past week I've:
- Worked 5 shifts
- Gone for chocolate fondue
- Bought the new Armin Van Buuren CD and it's AMAZING
- Gone to Oliver, Summerland, and Penticton
- Went to another outdoor rave that the cops kept shutting down but we did not give up and it ended up awesome!
- Went to Lillooet and saw some friends I haven't seen since June
- Went to Squamish and Whistler down that crazy Sea to Sky highway
- Got engaged
- Dyed my hair light blonde with hot pink underneath
- Didn't take one picture

With only 13 days left, I have no idea what on earth I'm going to do but I definitely plan on fitting in Vancouver Island, and a road trip to Hollywood. What else lies ahead?

Who knows...