Alyson's Colour Quiz Recommendation

Kira took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs to feel identified with someone or something..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I think with my dick

Is it completely evil to totally plan (and I mean, I have a set plan) on making out with two different guys in the same night at the same party and have them not find out about the other?

Regrets

Today I found out my friend Israel died.

I've known Izzy since we were in high school choir together and I'm not going to lie and say we were best friends, because we weren't really too close but we were friends and he was a great guy.

In high school we didn't really talk a lot, in fact we didn't really start talking till a few years later when he started showing up at parties at my friend's house. On New Year's Eve going into 2006 he got me really drunk on Absinthe and this 70% alc. vol. licorice flavoured stuff that his dad had brought over from Prague for him and I'm pretty sure we made out that night but I don't really remember because we had got that excuciatingally drunk... but after that point it definitely started my spree of finding someone to kiss every time I drink.

I remember him calling me up a lot after that because I had told him I liked him... but I didn't really have feelings for him so I screened his calls until I ran into him a few months later when I went with some friends to see my first internationally renowned DJ, Lisa Lashes. I ditched my friends and danced the night away with him. He was a wild dancer. Izzy was just wild in general.

I remember hearing he had cancer the first night when I was at his friend's party and asking where he was. I don't remember at what point in time that was because that whole year is a bit of a blur to me but I know it was later on in the year, and I know a different close friend of mine from an entirely different group was banging him. HAHA the day I put two and two together and found out it was him was pretty funny.

I can't say I knew Israel as well as people who were really close to him. I can't say I was the nicest person to him. I can say he was the wildest and craziest out of all of my friends... and I have a lot of wild and crazy friends. A lot. So that, is saying something. I can also tell you that he could sing. Really, really well. I can also say he was there on probably the most important day of my life when I decided to change my life around and live life to it's fullest and live out my dreams. He was there, and all of his beautiful hair was gone, and he was drunk as fuck having the best time of his life, but Izzy always acted like it was the best day of his life even before he was diagnosed with leukemia.

He had moved out to BC a couple months ago, again reentering my life, and called me when he was in Van looking for pot, which I couldn't find for him. He said he was coming out the next Friday to party with me but then he said he had to go back to Winnipeg for a bit and then he sent me a text a while later saying he was living in Kelowna. So today I went to his facebook because I had switched phones and lost his number, and I was going to invite him to party with us on Canada Day in the Okanagan but there were a hundred wall posts of his friends personal RIP's. I think he probably died a month ago... judging by that. I will find out for sure when I go to Winnipeg next week.

I didn't think I'd feel so sad about it. I think it's because I was jealous. Not of his life necessarily, but of his ability to live with no limits and no regrets. I have always tried to live my life without them because there's no point in dwelling on something you can't change, and if you limit yourself while living, you'll never know the full extent of your being.

Since that day that I decided to change my life around, I can say I've stopped limiting myself, for the most part. But today alone I've thought of a few regrets that I thought I'd put behind me.

One being that I didn't know Israel better, and I didn't do anything to make contact with him for a month after I found out he was living so close, even though I had heard he wasn't doing well. I wish we had sang together again, and that I had taken more pictures, and that we'd hit up Armin one more time.

Another being that I don't take care of myself well enough, and I don't do anything to change it. I smoke, and drink, and charge my body with caffeine while eating very irregularly and often unhealthy, and other than walking I don't get nearly enough excercise. For someone who loves life so much, I don't do enough to cherish it.

The last being my best friend Blayze from high school. I've never been able to let this one go. He was always there for me, and when he needed me most I wasn't there. Not only that, I put him down in a cruel way, and then left the province. Right before graduation. I didn't do it to intentionally hurt him, but, at the time I was selfish and didn't care if I did and the way his life is going now, I wonder if I had been there for him at the time if I could have helped him into a better life. If he ever reads this, I hope he knows how sorry I am and five years later I would still do everything I could for him.

Israel, I'm glad to have had you in my life, and you may not have known it, but you were an inspiration to me and I hope you're happy whereever you are and that there are hot angels fighting over you and getting you drunk. You will be missed.

Kari, Izzy (being Izzy), Amanda, and Alyson in the limo on the way to see Armin Van Buuren.

Kira = Nerd

I just spent the last hour creeping on blogs I used to read all the time... mainly the ones I link plus a few more I had forgotten about.

I remember living in Winnipeg and thinking I would really love to live in Vancouver or Toronto because my lots of my favourite bloggers live there and then when I get there we could all be blogger friends and drink all the time and take pictures and see who's first to post them in the morning.

Not so much.

I never find time, or when I do, I never think to go reading blogs anymore.

I always say I miss blogging, because, I do. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have at least 3 moments where I think, HEY! I SHOULD BLOG ABOUT THAT!!!

Sometimes, I'll race home or to a computer to write it all out, but find the computer's taken and by the time the user leaves, I've lost all drive and most of my thoughts behind what was moments ago a great idea.

A laptop with wireless internet and a fully working digital camera would probably bring me right back into my hobby I love so much. I love all the bloggers who haven't stopped writing since I found them years ago, that I can always count on them to cheer me up, or provoke new ideas and thoughts.

I love how now I'm living so close to lots of them, yet, they are still part of my secret nerd world where they seem like the coolest people on the planet.

I love writing, and I am so happy I have this blog and blogosphere as an outlet from my day to day life to remind me that there's more out there. I love being a nerd.

I'm singing Uh-Oh on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be alright!

Random adventure on June 18th to America with Kaylee.

It's Friday night and all my friends are out. Some of them went bowling, some of them went clubbing, some of them left town, some have dates, and some are on adventures not sure where their nights will take them.

Last Friday I was out drunk and clubbing, the Friday before I was too hungover to make it out, the Friday before that I was at a pub in Surrey playing pool, the Friday before that I was out on a crazy adventure downtown for my friend's birthday, the Friday before that I was in drinking in Abbotsford with friend, and the Friday before that I had left town and was shit-faced by 3pm and stayed that way till 3 am.

Next Friday I'm going to be sharing beers with my friends who have helped me move, and the Friday after that I'm going to be at a techno club in Winnipeg, and the Friday after that most likely at Nite Moves in Penticton.

If it were possible to calculate all the money I put into my Friday nights, I wouldn't even want to see the result. Especially if you were to add Saturday's to the mix, and the one or two random nights a week when I end up on wild adventures.

I love my life but wowie.

Being a student is going to be way harder than I ever thought it would be I think.

That's What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win

I feel like a rockstar. If I decide to, in a couple years time, I can be.


In applying for school, I only half believed I might get in.

MORESO, I figured that as long as I could tell myself, 'At least I tried', and then keep copping out for the rest of my life which other than in my decision to move to BC, or travel to Scotland, or when I got into National Youth Band in 2003, or interviewing KT Tunstall and Armin Van Buuren (which I can give credit to Tony) which still remain my only accomplishments in life, copping out is pretty much what I do with everything in life. Making excuses. Blaming other things, bad timing, people.

Blame is an excuse to cover what you've failed at.

And now, I'm in. And I have no idea what to do.

It changes everything. My plans to party the summer away are gone.

I need to come up with $51,000.

As of July 2nd, I'm quitting smoking. For good. I'll be on vacation so I'll be rid of all stress for two weeks and should have no need for cigarettes. I'll go out a few times while I'm there sure, but when I'm back I am coming up with a plan where I don't need to party and can save up cash for the remainder of the summer.

What that plan is, I have no idea but I've got a couple days to figure it out.

I got in.

This changes everything.

In a few years time I'm going to be someone who matters and will be an arms reach from all my wildest dreams. Who ever thought it was possible? I didn't.